The Tour Guide of Nothingness

THE TOUR GUIDE OF NOTHINGNESS

A Tour Guide of Nothingness is like a concierge of the Everything. They are the discreet, behind-the-scenes fixers, there to make your stay comfortable in the luxury hotel of a better way of living.

Their manners and personalities are relaxed and approachable. Their training is impeccable. They have a sense and a knack for saying and doing the right thing at the right time. They "get it" every time, except for the occasional unfortunate mishap.

They get a bit confused about why anyone would want to stay in a sewer when they have the free choice of a beautiful hotel. But, being excellent concierges, they politely shrug their shoulders and respect the wishes of any guest or visitor.

Reservations aside, The Tour Guide of Nothingness can share their experience of the Nothingness in a manner similar to describing the five star luxury treatment found in the world's best resorts and spas. It makes you go, "Yessss."

Coffee-table travel books, strewn about the Everything, can't begin to convey what The Tour Guide of Nothingness can delightfully describe. It's like putting on 3D holographic lenses. An immersive View-Master love-in.

At this point, naturally, most guests forget to inquire how The Tour Guide of Nothingness makes money. They often don't, for reasons just cited.

Many travelers have come to believe that the most valuable destination of all should be utterly free, and that all guides, managers, drivers, monks, nuns and such should be full-time, unpaid volunteers. After all, if it's so great it should be free. Hence the term 'freeWay'.

Of course, this kind of thinking explains why the narrow path into the Everything, which journeys through the Nothingness, isn't a twelve lane super highway: Construction workers insist on getting paid.

The Scribe of Sugarcoating

THE SCRIBE OF SUGARCOATING

The Scribe of Sugarcoating has become something of a lost skill.

Sugarcoating is the frosting on the cake of insincerity. And there are plenty of people championing the spit-shine of shallow compliments, including showing off countless trophies of meaningless understandings and library stacks of accomplishments.

But here's where the art comes in: The Scribe of Sugarcoating plays into this, actually sailing along with the prevailing wind of shallow chest thumping and high five shoulder bumps.

The Scribe's work involves relentlessly advocating nonsense. It's a bait and switch technique designed to wear you down. Full of nonsensical attaboys, designed to draw you in with tireless affirmations, it ultimately leaves you exhausted, doubting your own ridiculous assumptions.

The essential strategy is that when people finally collapse from the overwhelming lies, assumptions  and half truths, they awaken in The Monastery of Nothingness.

Of course, the genius of the strategy is that even if it is revealed, no one dares challenge it. It's an Emperor's New Clothes kind of thing.

The Scribe of Sugarcoating is typically a student in the monastery's School of Self Defense, a warrior of self-awareness and consciousness. Dedicated to the long-game strategy, these warriors are rigorously trained to become impervious to succumbing to the sweet taste of self deception. They can stare saccharine in the eyes, and walk away with no regrets.

Oh, and if one day you happen to awaken in The Monastery of Nothingness, don't panic. You'll be fine. We have monks and nuns (tour guides, actually) on hand to help you.

The Art of Redirection

THE ART OF REDIRECTION
Koans & Fables

There was once a beautiful young girl, whose heart was soft and pure sweetness. When she breathed, nature smiled. Her name was Yin Li.

Sometimes she would walk barefoot, stepping gingerly because her feet were sensitive. In fact, her heart was soft like the tender soles of her feet – it felt every breath and movement, including all the thoughts of those around her.

The things she could sense and feel were extraordinary and exquisite. But they could also be painful and upsetting. In time, the hidden thoughts and harsh words of her fellow villagers caught up with her, and the bruising and pain on her delicate heart caused her to fall critically ill.

She slowly faded from life, lying alone in her hut until one day an old master happened by and stuck his head in the door.

Upon seeing her condition he inquired as to what she planned to do about it.

In her weakened state she could barely respond, but finally managed to whisper that there was nothing to do, all that could be done had already been done.

“Then what are you lying around waiting for?” he inquired.

Confused by his question, she could only stammer, “Nothing.”

“Then if you are lying around waiting for nothing, why are you so preoccupied with anything at all? You’re making no sense whatsoever,” he declared, shaking his head.

“You are trapped in softness, the softness of denial," he stated. 

"Thoughts are like arrows. They shoot out of a person’s mind, or mouth, seeking a target. Once they are launched, it is inevitable that they fall back to the earth. You are made of earth and dirt, a soft  and natural target for an arrow. But that is not all that you are made of. You are denying three fourths of your nature. Why not become fire, or wind or water? Is that so far beyond your ability to imagine?”

“But I feel life so deeply,” she whispered. “How can I ever change?”

“You feel life so deeply because each arrow and every thought has a point. Often it is sharp and penetrating. Turn yourself into fire. Arrows burn in the fire; it consumes them, turning them into ash. Become water. Arrows harmlessly penetrate water, because water first yields and then drowns and weakens even the sharpest and fastest of arrows.  Whisper or roar like the wind. Wind diverts the arrow’s path, stepping aside as it effortlessly redirects each barb, changing its angle of attack." 

"Get it? Are you stupid? Surely you can see this!”

She arose from her bed and immediately declared her desire to become the master’s apprentice. She studied faithfully and in time became known for her dexterity of mind and heart.

Eventually Yin Li became a highly sought after teacher. Even the district governor called upon her skills for the most difficult of negotiations, admiring her ability to readily neutralize the most stubborn and obstinate opponents.

When she died, people came from over one hundred miles away to pay their respects. After her death she became a local deity, and was from then on known as Li Shui Feng, keeper of wind and water wisdom.

-- Mark Walter