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03 June 2013

The Confident Isle of Uncertainty


We're still waiting for a monastery or convent to be founded on The Confident Isle of Uncertainty.

World maps consistently depict this island as being very small, almost non-existent. Early explorers of the Nothingness, however, were astonished to discover an island that dominated the world's oceans. All of them. In fact, they didn't find a single other land mass.

Oddly, no one, to this day, has ever claimed or admitted to living there.  Yet, The Tour Guides of the Nothingness consistently find the entire world's population lives there. On distorted maps, printed on presses located in The Confident Isle of Uncertainty, it is referred to as The Land of Normalcy, Beauty and Correct Opinions.

Perplexing. But, it has been suggested that people there are simply too confident to admit they are uncertain. This plays well in certain quarters. In this case, all four quarters.

The four quarters of the island are very basic: top and bottom, left and right. The best or most important or valuable (wealthy) people live in the top quarter. They are Superior by Certain Standards.

The people who are always right live in the right quarter: which is generally populated by the religious, the atheists, the political enthusiasts and those who are otherwise Absolutely Certain. There is always a great deal of arguing over there - which in the right quarter is referred to as either healthy debate or war.

The bottom quarter houses people who the top quarter and the right quarter consider to be beneath them. Obviously. And, of course, they are useful as targets in times of war.

The left quarter includes the people who have been left out of everything else, and includes people like artists, musicians and visionaries. For reasons that are difficult to explain, the left quarter is much smaller than any of the other quarters. About 1% of the land.

Incidentally, there are hushed rumors circulating in the left quarter that the top quarter is making secret acquisition plans. It seems they already own 90% of everything on the island. But these people are planners, so it would be an utter shock to find them without A Better Than Ever Plan of Self Interest.

Allegedly they have been making plans to send some of their people to the mythological Other Side of the Sea. Some describe it as a heavenly land, full of opportunity. Money.

The operating premise seems to be to send an advanced mission (mostly bankers) over to the Other Side and buy up all the, well... all of The Everything. Particularly before the masses catch on and storm in there, desperate to participate in some kind of land grab of The Everything. It's also seen as some kind of possible tax haven.

Emissaries stationed in The Embassy of the Everything shake their heads in tragic chuckles over the banker's plans. They have an unspoken agreement to allow the bankers access to The Everything, and then, upon their arrival, give them a long, shocked moment or two before asking, "So how's all those long term plans working out for you Now?"

It's funny how disoriented you can get In The Now if you're not used to it.